Scene 33

 
      [clop clop whinny]
  KNIGHT:  They're nervous, sire.
  ARTHUR:  Then we'd best leave them here and carry on on foot.  Dis-mount!
  TIM:  Behold the cave of Kyre Banorg!
  ARTHUR:  Right!  Keep me covered.
  KNIGHT:  What with?
  ARTHUR:  Just keep me covered.
  TIM:  Too late!
      [chord]
  ARTHUR:  What?
  TIM:  There he is!
  ARTHUR:  Where?
  TIM:  There!
  ARTHUR:  What, behind the rabbit?
  TIM:  It is the {{ spam }}!
  ARTHUR:  You silly sod!  You got us all worked up!
  TIM:  Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.  That's the most foul, cruel,
      and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
  ROBIN:  You tit!  I soiled my armor I was so scared!
  TIM:  Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a
      killer!
  KNIGHT:  Get stuffed!
  TIM:  It'll do you a trick, mate!
  KNIGHT:  Oh, yeah?
  ROBIN:  You mangy Scot git!
  TIM:  I'm warning you!
  ROBIN:  What's he do, nibble your bum?
  TIM:  He's got huge, sharp-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
  ARTHUR:  Go on, Boris.  Chop his head off!
  BORIS:  Right!  Silly little bleeder.  One rabbit stew comin' right up!
  TIM:  Look!
      [squeak]
  BORIS:  Aaaugh!
      [chord]
  ARTHUR:  Jesus Christ!
  TIM:  I warned you!
  ROBIN:  I peed again!
  TIM:  I warned you!  But did you listen to me?  Oh, no, you knew it all,
      didn't you?  Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?  Well,
      it's always the same,  I always--
  ARTHUR:  Oh, shut up!
  TIM:  --But do they listen to me?--
  ARTHUR:  Right!
  TIM:  -Oh, no--
  KNIGHTS:  Charge!
      [squeak squeak]
  KNIGHTS:  Aaaaugh!  Aaaugh! etc.
  KNIGHTS:  Run away!  Run away!
  TIM:  Haw haw haw.  Haw haw haw.  Haw haw.
  ARTHUR:  Right.  How many did we lose?
  KNIGHT:  Gawain.
  KNIGHT:  Hector.
  ARTHUR:  And Boris.  That's five.
  GALAHAD:  Three, sir.
  ARTHUR:  Three.  Three.  And we'd better not risk another frontal
      assault, that rabbit's dynamite.
  ROBIN:  Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?
  ARTHUR:  Oh, shut up and go and change your armor.
  GALAHAD:  Let us taunt it!  It may become so cross that it will make
      a mistake.
  ARTHUR:  Like what?
  GALAHAD:  Well,....
  ARTHUR:  Have we got bows?
  KNIGHT:  No.
  LAUNCELOT:  We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
  ARTHUR:  Yes, of course!  The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!  'Tis one
      of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him!  Brother Maynard!
      Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
      [singing]
      How does it, uh... how does it work?
  KNIGHT:  I know not, my liege.
  ARTHUR:  Consult the Book of Armaments!
  MAYNARD:  Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.
  BROTHER:  "And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,
      'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow
      thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'  And the Lord did grin, and
      people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies,
      and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --"
  MAYNARD:  Skip a bit, Brother.
  BROTHER:  "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the
      Holy Pin.  Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.  Three
      shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting
      shalt be three.  Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two,
      excepting that thou then proceed to three.  Five is right out.  Once
      the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou
      thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty
      in my sight, shall snuff it.'"
  MAYNARD:  Amen.
  ALL:  Amen.
  ARTHUR:  Right!  One... two... five!
  KNIGHT:  Three, sir!
  ARTHUR:  Three!
      [boom]
